Let's go through each of the 5 Stages of Grief playlists and run some numbers. I added my guesses...
Here's how Taylor described the sadness stage of grief:
Old Habits Die Screaming
“We’re going to be exploring the feelings of depression that often lace their way through my songs. In times like these, I’ll write a song because I feel lonely or hopeless and writing a song feels like the only way to process that intensity of an emotion and while these things are really, really hard to go through – I often feel like when I’m either listen to songs or writing songs that deal with this intensity of loss and hopelessness usually that’s in the phase where I’m close to getting past that feeling.”
- Bigger Than The Whole Sky, Dear Reader, Maroon, You’re Losing Me, My Tears Ricochet, Epiphany, Hoax, Champagne Problems, Coney Island, Right Where You Left Me, Nothing New, All Too Well (Non-10 Minute), Forever Winter, We Were Happy, Last Kiss, Castles Crumbling, Carolina, White Horse
Now for the ones I thought went with this list:
Debut-
Tied Together with a Smile
I think this can be a song about two seemingly disparate topics: Losing virginity I guess is the more obvious one, though I was today years old when I realized that is the obvious meaning of the song. Secondly, it's about losing the status of America’s Sweetheart, which is not the same thing, but an adjacent topic.
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beautyIs the face in the mirror looking back at youYou walk around here thinking you're not prettyBut that's not true 'cause I know you
Falling from a pedestal is painful. Even if she is still famous, even if other people think Taylor Swift is a beautiful, nice-girl--she sees something else. Something worse. Taylor kinda always sees herself how others see her.
Example: In the Miss Americana Documentary Taylor put fourth her best effort with the Reputation album. When the Grammy committee didn't recognize it-Taylor kinda put the record down too. You could say the whole Reputation era was a result of how others saw her.
Example 2: In that same film, Taylor talks about how it hurts her deeply when people speculate that she's pregnant. Even if she knew she wasn't overweight for her height.
Even if she realized the rumors were because she just had an unflattering top on, or ate a big lunch, or that the beauty standards were rigid and out of whack. It makes her hate her body, and had a part in instigating her eating disorder in the 1989 era.
She's a pathological people-pleaser.
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted'Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra changeHoping it will end up in his pocketBut he leaves you out like a penny in the rainOh, 'cause it's not his price to payIt's not his price to pay
Part of living up to the societal expectations of being that good girl is being an innocent virgin. So sure, Taylor is singing about a gal giving up her virginity (in kind of a cringe way for this year, 2024). BUT in this song Taylor sings in a detached way, like this is someone else's story. Think about the above verse (as a secondary reading of the material) directed to fans. Taylor wants her fans to love her. Taylor is a mirrorball to reflect what others want to see (givin' it away like extra change). And what if all that effort goes unappreciated? Taylor already realizes all that people-pleasing; living up to other people's ideals comes with a price to pay.
Hold on, baby, you're losing itThe water's high, you're jumping into itAnd letting go, and no one knows
Because maybe the virginity part IS someone else's story, but what that loss represents resonates with her. Like a girl who is "tarnished" [not my words but patriarchal sentiment] for losing her virginity symbolizing some sort of loss and Taylor is holding herself up to that same harsh society's standards. And she is already feeling the pressure to live up to that in Debut. Who will she be when she lost her “good girl” status, or fell from the pedestal?
That you cry, but you don't tell anyoneThat you might not be the golden oneAnd you're tied together with a smileBut you're coming undone
And I think this last part really shows where Taylor's head is at. She's sort of talking about the de-virginized girl [I'm sorry. I hate it too.] in her story, but she's mostly talking about herself. She's afraid of disappointing others. This early on in her career Taylor is crying and doubting and fearing that it will alllll go away. But she never let's anyone see that-she's always "on," always professional, always performing for others.
The sadness is about being scared and the fear brings on more sadness in a loop. And this goes on throughout Taylor's career. She's always been holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for all of it to be taken away from her.
The Outside
Gaylor take: Are we talking closets here?
Even if you don't read this song through a queer lens like I do, the sadness is here. Getting confused timing and mixed signals, then wondering 'what if?' is disappointing.
I didn't know what I would find/When I went lookin' for a reason
I know/I didn't read between the lines
Something is complex and confusing. Taylor says she missed the signs.
Did she miss the flirting because she didn't expect it to come from another gal?
And, baby, I've got nowhere to go/I tried to take the road less traveled byBut nothin' seems to work the first few times/Am I right?
Then when Taylor was ready to take the queer lane (road less traveled) the timing wasn’t right.
But she indicates even though she missed the boat (missed the flirting or wasn't ready) she wants to try again.
So how can I ever try to be better?Nobody ever lets me inAnd I can still see you, this ain't the best view/On the outside, lookin' inI've been a lot of lonely places/I've never been on the outside
This other person doesn't want to give Taylor that other chance. She's instead a bit chilly, closing Taylor out of her life. And that hurts. Taylor doesn't want to be left in the cold by this person. Baby Taylor wanted things to work once she caught on, but is now lamenting the crossed-paths and wondering what might have been if only...
You saw me there, but never knewThat I would give it all up to be/A part of this, a part of you
Taylor missed the flirting from this gal and was shut out as a result. But this gal also didn't expect Taylor to be receptive to any advances. She didn't see Taylor as queer. And she didn't know that Taylor was ready to give up her heteronormative lifestyle to try dating her.
And now it's all too late, so you see/You could have helped if you had wanted toBut no one notices until it's too late to do anything
This other girl saw Taylor, but didn’t realize she was one of them. She had no idea Taylor liked her back. And now Taylor is lonely and thinking, 'what if?' from the outside of this queer circle. But the timing is all wrong, the gal has moved on. Taylor was slow to know, this girl found out about Taylor too late-they’ve missed each other. Taylor is sad nobody did anything about it on time. God damn, it’s hard to find other queers to date! Flagging enters the chat…
Tim McGraw
I put it here, because though it’s certainly not hopeless, the song is wistful.
September saw a month of tearsAnd thanking God that you weren't here/To see me like thatBut in a box beneath my bed/Is a letter that you never read
September is when summer is ending, school is beginning, people are moving on from high school into the next phase of life. And for whatever reason, Taylor and this other person's trajectories have taken them in different directions. She's missing them a lot.
It's hard not to find it all a little bittersweetAnd lookin' back on all of that, it's nice to believe
When you think Tim McGraw/I hope you think my favorite songThe one we danced to all night long/The moon like a spotlight on the lake
Taylor is choosing to believe the other person is remembering happy times they had together. She hopes when this other person thinks of her, they're thinking of that time they danced together to Taylor's favorite song.
When you think happinessI hope you think that little black dressThink of my head on your chest/And my old faded blue jeans
Here is the verse that tells us the other, separated person is another girl. She's wearing a black dress when they danced, while Taylor is in "MY" blue jeans. Now we don't know if these two are separated by college or a job, distance-wise, or if they fought or broke-up because of the prospect of getting caught being intimate together (doing things like laying heads on chests) and what that means in TN. Or if they've been pulled apart by parents or management because the (queer) pairing was controversial.
This is the "bitter" of the bittersweet memory for Taylor. And this is why it's a sad song. She couldn't be herself. She couldn't move forward in this relationship. And she has no closure, she just has to let it go. The situation is dismal. It’s a young depression that things couldn’t work out because it was a same-sex pairing (girl in the black dress). The most Taylor could do was write a letter talking about the song they danced to (her in jeans, and the other girl in a black dress) out on the lake. Taylor has to live with the fact that she could never be totally honest, never have that relationship blossom, because homophobia.
Reputation-
There's a lot of anxiety and bargaining in this album, but surprisingly, Taylor is fairly optimistic throughout.
Dancing with our Hands Tied
This song could fit in denial, bargaining, even anger or acceptance. But I think the fear and regret pervasive in it put it ultimately in sadness.
I, I loved you in secret/...we love without reasonMy, my love had been frozen/Deep blue, but you painted me golden
Taylor contrasts how she felt before she loved this person (repressed/depressed) to afterward (happy, calmer).
You said there was nothing in the world that could stop itI had a bad feeling
I, I loved you in spite of/Deep fears that the world would divide usSo, baby, can we dance/Oh, through an avalanche?
There's a sense of foreboding that something is going to ruin this new good thing that got Taylor out of her funk and made her happy. She doesn't know if her and her love could survive a catastrophe/PR problem.
This next part is all the sadness and regret Taylor feels. Notice she says "I'd" as in I would have. She's telling the love what she wished she would have done, instead of what she actually did during the catastrophe/PR problem.
I'd kiss you as the lights went out/Swaying as the room burned downI'd hold you as the water rushes inIf I could dance with you again
But that's not how it went down, so Taylor and her love did not survive the avalanche.
Dancing with our hands tied, hands tiedBut we were dancingHands tied, hands tied
The relationship was always fraught. Taylor's hands are tied with her brand. It's depressing to Taylor to know that nobody can handle her level of fame, the amount of scrutiny, how the business of it all has to guide every decision. This relationship didn't work out, but Taylor doesn't see how any future relationship could work out either... She's sad about the break-up and she's upset at the prospect of having to choose between career/PR and love.
Final List for:
Old Habits Die Screaming
(sadness/depression stage of grief):
- Bigger Than The Whole Sky, Dear Reader, Maroon, You’re Losing Me, My Tears Ricochet, Epiphany, Hoax, Champagne Problems, Coney Island, Right Where You Left Me, Nothing New, All Too Well (Non-10 Minute), Forever Winter, We Were Happy, Last Kiss, Castles Crumbling, Carolina, White Horse
- Tim McGraw, The Outside, Tied Together with a Smile
- Dancing with our Hands Tied
Agree/disagree? Let me know: https://kit10phish-explains-it-all-45637244.hubspotpagebuilder.com/contact
